Sometimes

For the past couple of days, I had been fretting and it wasn’t to the point of obsessively fretting but actively fretting. The kind of fretting that could easily move into something more obsessive.  Ana had told me of someone in her life who was busy.  She was taking on this and that to the point of a loooonnnng list and these are noble things to be busy with.  This person is leaning into her passions and creating some change.  But this led me into a space of realizing that that is my normal go to. I tend to take on as much as possible in my “normal” life so that I can create more active change.  I don’t even complain about it. I kind of chuckled because it didn’t sound so foreign for me to hear about someone’s list and it sounded like what my own list used to be.

A few minutes later, I was talking to Ana about the day we get back to Berlin and how already I have plans and was saying I could fit one more thing in.  She chuckled and said, “this is soooo you…fitting one more thing in.” I replied, “but it’s important to me.”

A bit later, I started the fretting.  Here I am, sitting by the sea and writing. Discerning and walking and eating as much Spanish food as I can.  Shouldn’t I be doing some more?  Shouldn’t I be working to changing the world more?

My fretting turned into some worrying about not doing enough.  Not saying enough. Not being active enough.

Finally, in my fretting tone, I said out loud, “Here you are talking about this person changing the world and I am sitting by the sea! I should be doing so much more…does this make me lazy?”

And with perfect timing and perfect tone, Ana replied, “You have to sit by the sea in order to have the energy to change the world.  You can’t forget that.”

It was…right on the head, perfect, good timing, and just what I needed to hear and not exactly what I thought I would hear or even want to hear.

She is right though.  I have some goals about being here by the sea for a month.  I am scheming about a book and making a chapter outline.  I am hoping to write a sample first chapter this week to send to places to see if they may bite to publish. These aren’t small tasks. I am discerning and churning and resting by the sea…all so that my energy is ready to change the world in different ways. Ana is not wrong and actually pretty wise.

Sometimes you have to sit by the sea in order to have the energy to save the world.

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