Here we are. Monday again. My family all zooms together on Sunday evenings now (my evening, their mid morning) and when we all logged on we all kind of looked at each other with not much to report. We talked about what we had been up to…the hikes, the schoolwork, the job reports, the latest social distancing excursion. We talked about are gardens and inevitably we talked about the pandemic…again. We want to be near each other and we don’t actually have a ton to say because here we are again. Another week of social distancing, waiting to see what will open or stay closed, missed expectations and filling in our days.
I have somewhat of a routine during the day and sometimes it feels great and just fine and other times it feels monotonous and angsty. Today is a mix of both. I have plenty to do but I don’t always just want to be in our flat doing it. Remember the days when I could plan travel? Sit in a coffeeshop with my computer? Visit a friend? See something else in the city? I know it will come again and yet I struggle with the anxiety as well as the angst of re entering the day to day out there.
It is week 9 and I have learned that I need to recalibrate my expectations. Yesterday, when Ana and I were talking about my upcoming birthday she remarked, “if you focus on the stuff you can’t do then you are setting yourself up for a disappointing day.” She is right and yet I wanted to get out all of my disappointment now so that Friday can be a lovely, sweet, fun day celebrating a turn to age 39. I need to move into a space again of not looking forward to the next thing that could happen but live in the now of what is and sure, a little of what will be.
This morning I have already done some schoolwork, facetimed with a kiddo that I miss and a dear friend who we chat each Monday morning at 10am, hugged on Ana and the pups, gone on a walk and watched some good news. It is not a bad morning so far. My plans involve a workout indoors, some baking and cooking, more school work and perhaps thinking about the sermon I will film this week. All shall be well. It is another week of this Great Pause. There will be ups and downs and there will be celebrating at the end of the workweek…my birthday WILL include bubbles and dancing, THAT I am sure of!