Yesterday I was thinking a lot about the words that came to me while I was on the Camino the first time. Each week, in the beginning of the week, clear words came into my mind and became my mantra for the week. Did I generate them? Maybe. But they were so clear and persistent that I took them as the words I needed to hear that week. They resonated in my body throughout the week and were just what I needed to hear.
The second day on the Camino I heard these words in my mind, “Let it go.” It was about expectations and the hurt I was carrying. It was the beginning of my healing process. I had been fixated on everything before me and to really begin my journey I had to let go of the stress, anxiety and deep pain for just a bit in order to deal with it all.
Week two, as I started the long trip for the day and my heart was heavy I heard, clear as day, “All shall be well. You will be fine.” I needed that reassurance that I was going to be ok. I hadn’t felt ok for a long long time.
Week three appeared when I was hustling to the next place and getting caught up in hurrying along…”Just be present.” Forget the deadlines and the times but be present now.
Week four brought me anxiety about finishing and getting to albergues when I heard and it was felt all over my body “There is time.” There is time to take my time. There is time to enjoy. There is plenty of time.
Week five brought me the words, “you are free.” I felt it to my very bones. I felt free from what was holding me back and free from a system that had hurt me. I was free from certain titles and competitions. On the Camino I felt completely free from so many things that had been binding me.
And week 6 before I started my journey home I heard and for the first time I heard myself say it in “I” form, “I am a beautiful person and tough too.” I could own it and hold it and it made me smile with tears in my eyes to take that home.
As we approach closer and closer to walking again I wonder what the voice will bring me next.