This morning I woke up completely forgetting the day. What day is it? What is the date? In Corona times I think we all lose track of which and what and how and when, don’t we?
I walked the pups and put in my headphones for the walk. About halfway into my walk it dawned on me, today is August 1st. This means a number of things….
For my brother Andrew on his birthday….
Welcome to 33! My 33rd year was a good one full of potential. This is what we in the church world fondly call our “Jesus year.” While kind of morbid, it also may invite you as it did me to look at what you want to do this year (like Jesus in his last year). It won’t be your last year and you are totally busy with two amazing little boys, an amazing wife and the job you have always wanted all in the midst of a world wide pandemic but I remember this being a year to look around and smile at what was and what would be. Little did I know what would come into my life and how I would transform.
Today is a day to celebrate you! We have always been close and for that I am truly grateful. I am so grateful that I can be fully myself with you if that is just hanging out or talking about how we are angry at the world or deeper conversations about life, spirituality and our place in this world. I am so grateful that I know I can count on you in my life and I hope you feel the same. I love what you have become…a brilliant scientist, an excellent daddy and spouse, and you hold your family highly…and a great brother.
We are also most definitely into summer….
In Berlin it is finally warming up a bit to feel like summer. The sun is out, my tomatoes are changing colors and finally it feels like the days are long and ripe. I know Portland has been hot and other parts of the world feel scorching but in the lost days it has felt like it has taken a while for us to catch up. It still won’t be hot today but it is supposed to be about 85 degrees (28 degrees in Celsius) and that feels about right to feel warm. In the midst of pandemic the coaster makes us feel as though we are losing things left and right and can it really be summer? Which brings me to…
Can it really be month 6 or so of pandemic life?
This morning I realized that we began this ride in March, mid March or so here so that makes this the beginning of month 6 in this new reality. A half of a year. Normally every six months or so I get to return to the States but it has now been almost 9 months. We hold tickets for Christmas still but my hope to go home for Christmas lessens and lessens. Who knows when I will get to hug on fam again. I try not to think of it too much but this is the most amount of time I have ever been away. This is the most amount of time that we have not been travelling all over. This is the most amount of time I have been outside of church community and other forms of tight community. Here we are opening more and more and yet it is still way different than we have ever known. Every once in a while we get a swift reminder that things are still off limits or limited or completely different than they were before. Which brings me to….
Five years ago today I was part of my own wedding…
August 1st has been somewhat of a marker in my life beyond all of the other things when an event happened 5 years ago that completely changed my world. Two years later I would be almost completely divorced and on a whole other trajectory. I don’t regret the marriage or the divorce. I am in a solid place now with a partner who loves me to pieces and I her and we are scheming about our own wedding day in the future. But this day 5 years ago created a space in me for this day. It was a good and fun day. It was a holy day and when that world fell apart and all plans changed and everything I knew was completely blown apart this day became a different thing. Every August 1st I still remember and honor what that day was while taking stock of what it is now.
I almost forgot today was August 1st. I almost forgot the impact of all that it is. I almost forgot what it used to mean. Because my life is in such a good place now.
I have done a crazy amount of healing work in the two years I have lived in Berlin and in the three years since I went through a major life event called divorce. I have climbed the Pyrenees, fallen in love again even when I felt completely broken, I have become an immigrant and have moved continents. I have spent time with myself in ways I never thought I would. I have learned a new language and have delved into many new cultures. I have given it my all in all that I do. I have felt deeper than I ever allowed before. I have done work in many different ways.
And on August 1st I look at myself and think…here I am. Now. Today is a good and holy day.
So Happy Birthday, Andrew! Happy summer world. We are in this together pandemic life and here I am…as me.