This morning at 6:15am or so I heard the boy starting to wake up over the monitor. His little voice said something in baby babble. I expected to hear a cry next and I would get up to meet him. I had been laying awake a few minutes wondering if I got up, would I get a few minutes to myself? Just then I heard Tadej start to sing to himself and quickly he fell back asleep. The little boy sang himself back to sleep. This is something new in the past few days of singing by himself. A few months ago I realized he would sing with a few songs on the radio. His little voice lets out a long note that sounds like he is trying to make it longer and longer. It isn’t his talking or his babbling but a different sound. Then just a few days ago he brought me a book that we sing. And sure enough he was singing along with me. He now does this with all of his singing books…Snuggle Puppy, Old McDonald Had an Oregon Farm and A Wonderful World to name a few. He sings right along.

He is really into books these days and brings a book to read five times in a row. He is walking like crazy all of a sudden. Rarely does he crawl as a mode rather than walking and that happened just in the past couple of days. I have to remember his shoes now when we go out. He has gotten taller and taller and measured in at the 93rd percentile in height as his one year appointment. He loves oatmeal and bananas. He can say his name, “hey” “mama” and “Pushkin.” He might be saying puppy for Luna and Da for yes in Serbian. He loves to dance.

He is changing every single day and it seems like there is something new every single day. It seem as though time is speeding up and Ana and I spend hours just hanging with him and enjoying him. This also means that we don’t spend time on other things so when we have time away from him we pack it full of things…work, cleaning up, perhaps a blog. Time then slips through my fingers.

I said to Ana a few days ago, “remember when we just had…time?” I remember being able to sit and watch tv and think and then make space for exploring and creativity or even just having time to finish a started project. And as much as I adore my kiddo, I miss this part of my life. I was just sitting here looking out the window to think and then it hit me that by spending these moments just thinking I am missing a work out, writing, putting laundry away, and perhaps some texts. Its a crazy thing to realize that time has completely changed. And I do have some but when Tadej is here I choose to surround it with him.

A friend, colleague and amazing mentor of mine passed this morning at 1am. I am not ready for this to be a world without Peg. She was my District Superintendent when I was in McMinnville and I thought I would get to have another coffee with her or a catch up but her body had other plans that included deep peace. She had been dealing with all sorts of health issues and now she is free from pain but still. This is the second meaningful friend, colleague, mentor that has passed in two months and it feels not right…too short. What happened to the time? And yet that is all we know, right? That time is precious and fleeting. I am grieving this today. 

I also chose to spend time with two friends this morning and while it meant giving up other projects, it was worth the time. I didn’t want to rush those spaces. I wanted to take my time.

The struggle with time is real and still it passes….