So confused!

Good morning all! You made it to Friday!  Nicely done….now, here is some scripture.

Today’s scripture:

Acts 7:30-34 (NRSV)

30 “Now when forty years had passed, an angel appeared to him in the wilderness of Mount Sinai, in the flame of a burning bush. 31 When Moses saw it, he was amazed at the sight; and as he approached to look, there came the voice of the Lord: 32 ‘I am the God of your ancestors, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.’ Moses began to tremble and did not dare to look. 33 Then the Lord said to him, ‘Take off the sandals from your feet, for the place where you are standing is holy ground. 34 I have surely seen the mistreatment of my people who are in Egypt and have heard their groaning, and I have come down to rescue them. Come now, I will send you to Egypt.’


This week has been an interesting week and then something happened yesterday and right now that I want to tell you about. I have had the sense all week that this is a week of information gathering and call discernment.  I feel as though every once in a while you have to have these kinds of weeks. Sometimes you recognize them and sometimes you don’t. This week is one of those weeks that I am really starting to recognize it and be grateful for the people around me.

There have been many options offered to me lately in a variety of arenas.  I am trying to decipher between them all as I still hear a call to represent my community in the homelessness conversation. That is part of discernment as well.  How can we represent who we serve the best?

So there have been many conversations about what we are called to do in the church.  There are many conversations happening for me about what I am called to do in the church.   This is an exciting position to be in and a terrifying one.  Even though my theology doesn’t really go to this place, my brain starts to say, “What if I make the exactly wrong decisions? What if I say the wrong thing?” Here’s the thing…my theology is actually that where we go, God walks alongside us.  I have to let go of the right and wrong questions but they are still present.

Plus I think the season of Lent has us constantly question our place in the world. It is a natural place for these conversations to take stock of our lives, what needs to be pruned, what needs to grow, what is thriving, what is not.

I spent a few days with young clergy who get it.  What a great place to land in the middle of Lent!

I went to speak on the radio which was energizing and empowering.Then I had a meeting with a colleague that made everything confusing.  I came home and Jenny asked, ‘How was everything?” “So confusing! but great.”  That is the only way I could describe it. I pondered why it put me in this particular space. I couldn’t nail down why. The meeting lit me up in a way that was exciting but it also confused me. Yesterday, I needed to take stock of that.

I went to the church office after a few morning meetings. I must have been walking around with contemplation on my face.  Our custodian, Ron, is a retired prison chaplain, ordained UMC elder.  He walked up to me and said, “I don’t know why I need to tell you this, Court but I need to say that I believe that God’s clearest calls are where we are most confused. If you are confused about an option, I would say that is God talking to you about it.  Remember the burning bush? While a burning bush is clear, the response was, ‘I AM.’ That is so confusing!”

I looked at him in disbelief! Did he just say that???? Without any previous conversation??? I might have said a swear word out loud…..well, now I might have to act on it, I told him.  He just smiled.

I am still in disbelief. I called a dear friend. I told him what was up. He replied, “I am hearing you and all points to this….can we just agree that is what you are supposed to be doing? Just say yes so it can be easier for you.”  I was stunned.

Then I opened scripture this morning.  And it is Acts recounting of call in the clearest and most confusing call that is part of our history. The burning bush.

So I am sitting here writing still in disbelief.  How can I ignore that this is lining up in this way? How can I try to ignore where the heart strings are tugging?

Where are your heartstrings tugging? What is confusing that you are trying to hash out? Where are you caught in disbelief? Is God trying to lead you in some direction?


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s