I have been thinking a lot about the ups and downs of everyday life right now. There are moments when the day to day monotony drives me crazy and then other moments when it seems just fine. What is difference between good and bad days?
Yesterday was a good day. I woke up fairly early and was slightly mad that I woke up early on a Saturday and yet because it is the weekend doesn’t change how I spend the days right now really so it really doesn’t matter. So I woke up and leaned into that reality. I got ready and took the dogs out. I took long breaths and walked along the canal. The clouds passed over us and there were even a few sprinkles. They felt refreshing rather than disappointing so we kept walking. We made our way back, the dogs doing their business. It was a good walk. I got my coffee, wrote the daily devotional, and surveyed the computer, scrolling through facebook and seeing what had popped up while I was sleeping and my West Coast friends were up.
I started to work on some schoolwork. Again, why not? Just because its Saturday doesn’t mean that I can’t be productive. And I was. It felt good to produce feedback after reading the assigned texts for a class or two. It felt good to engage in what might be an interesting semester.
Ana got up and ambled out with her coffee and we just checked in, leaning into one another. We munched on muffins I had made on Friday and chit chatted about our sleep. No expectations, no pressures, no disappointments about how this is still happening but instead gratitude for one another and the day before it. A shift in thinking and necessary for now.
We decided after a bit that it was time to take the dogs on a long walk to the dog park. Our husky paces more than I do when he hasn’t gotten to exercise. So we got them ready and took the excited pups on their Saturday adventure. It is a chore to take them to the dog park because it is almost as if they can’t contain their excitement for the 20 minute walk. But instead of getting frustrated we leaned into what we know will be and enjoyed the ride. We got there, they ran and ran and ran. No incidents (the little one likes to be involved in every chase and every incident enough to give me a heart attack). All smiles on the pups and on us. We decided to head home after a while.
The smell of fish brotchen as we approached the market was luring and I happen to have just the right amount of money in my pocket to buy one to share. The fish was grilled to perfection and hot. We split the sandwich as we made our way home commenting on the perfection of it. Good to note.
Getting home meant we dropped the pups off and geared up for our weekly grocery store run. Could be a pain but instead it was an adventure together and not horrible. We came home with full backpacks of healthy food and promises of meals to come. At home we kicked off our shoes and did our own things for a while…me, watching a little netflix and chatting with family on facetime, Ana on her piano practicing away. At a reasonable dinner time I said goodbye to my parentals as Ana laid out tapas she had made and we feasted and laughed and talked.
The end of our day brought good wine and a musical viewing…Ana had never seen The Sound of Music which needed to be rectified immediately. I sang at the top of my lungs and she enjoyed the spectacle.
What makes today so much better than the other day when I felt as if I could bounce off walls and walked around bummed to not be able to hug everyone? The monotony highlights the range of emotions in a day in a totally different way. Grieve comes and goes. Loss comes and goes. Healthy and happy moments are cherished in a totally lovely way. I spend more time puttering on our balcony and walking the dogs and admiring the clouds and I miss certain things like travel and my family to my core. And it all is part of it. All of it is valid. All of it shifts and turns and twists and moves and it all just…is. I have been working on embracing it all as it passes and embracing the moments of joy as they come.
All of it is what it is. Just one moment at a time. Day by day. Step by step.