The Corona Coaster – leaning into whatever this stage is…


Tuesday was a typical Corona coaster type of day (yes, I am just embracing this term for all that it is and all that it will be).

I woke up tired but relaxed from coming back from a few days by a lake with my little family of partner and pups.  We desperately needed to get out of the city for a few days and my legs were yearning to walk and walk so we hiked every day all around the lake that we were staying by.  We breathed in the trees and brilliant teal water.  We splashed and took our time. We embraced the rain and read for hours in the afternoon.  It was good. So I woke up on Tuesday without the headache I had woken up with all the previous week because my shoulders weren’t so tight and I could breath again fully.  I woke up and walked the tired pups. We all were a little slower because of our little vacay and came back to my coffee.  In fact, we had all been so tired that I slept about an hour more than my usual waking time so I felt also a little rushed due to what I had scheduled for my day.

But I got my coffee and some yogurt and checked on things…email, facebook, marco polo. I said a quick bout of prayers and then dialed into zoom to have my usual Tuesday morning call with a dear friend who lives here but across town.  At some point we will meet up face to face but right now zooming still keeps us in tune with one another.

Good news? It is always great to spend 30-40 mins on this call with my friend. Bad news? The freakin wifi was horrible and we both kept freezing due to my end of wifi.  This has been the case lately.  I am guessing wifi use is up but not the quality.  Corona coaster…the use of technology is great AND sometimes it messes everything up.

After our call I pulled my stuff together because I had promised to meet another friend who is also a neighbor at Hamburger Bahnhof, a museum of contemporary art that has been on my list.  We knew that this exhibit was happening that we have both heard quite a bit about. She was already in Mitte so we made a date to meet there.

This is the moment when I will tell you that this has been my new go to now that I have returned on public transit, leaning into new experiences in the city again.  Right now I am not in classes and not nannying as much as I did pre COVID, there are less tourists here and it seems to be the just right time to explore some things in the city. I am asking friends to meet me in places and leaning in.

Corona coaster….many things are still closed or limited and masks required so on one hand it is really cool to go to some of these things and also a constant reminder of a new normal type of thing. PLUS travel is still kind of limited…trains seem to be ok but flights? Who knows if they will be cancelled right before! Meeting up with friends is great but every once in a while on a crowed UBahn or SBahn my anxiety starts to get the best of me…what if that ONE guy who isn’t wearing a mask is a danger…what if???

But Susie and I met up and we wandered the museum and it was lovely.  We then went to get a little lunch and spent more time than either of us planned but it was good and important. We rode the bus home together and talked and talked. It is good to be connected even with masks on.

I got home just in time to do a few things before my scheduled therapy session at 5:30pm. I ran to the store to get some much needed items and thought about one of the good things of living in a city is the proximity to resources like our grocery store.

At 5:30pm I dialed into my online therapy session with my therapist in Portland. Yes, I have stayed with her on occasion because a) she knows me so well and b) during this time everyone is online.

Corona coaster…..Online therapy is wonderful and yet being in therapy is still better in person.  I needed a place to put all of my disappointment, worry, complaining, etc that isn’t friends or partner…and that is all corona coastery too.

So when my therapist asked me what was up I burst into tears. Nothing is horrible and yet Corona still sucks.  And the line that got me was when I said, “I just feel soooo so so…useless over here during this time!” And she looked and me and said, “But Courtney you will do the things to process and then I know you and you will resource your people in the best ways possible.” So I told her about some ideas and she thought about them and made them better and the hour was an hour that was well spent if not all over the place. Therapy is good people.

I got off that call just in time to tell Ana about it and hop on another call in which I got to connect with a friend hours of timezones away to be in conversation for a vlog he is making these days.  We laughed a lot and process and got deep about life and after a half an hour we stopped the recording and still caught up.

Corona coaster…would this happen if not for the world as it is? Maybe not.  BUT so many things are happening that is hard to be living through screens on some level.

That night I had a glass of wine with Ana and processed the day and thought…well, isn’t this the perfect day of the coaster? Ups and downs. Emotions of lovely and hard.  Too much info vs just not enough. All sorts of feelings of agency and not and all the while surrounded by friends and family in various ways.

How are you holding up these days on the coaster?

One Comment Add yours

  1. The corona coaster can be a hellish ride! Last week when teaching on Zoom, my wi-fi decided to have an issue. I have now invested in 50 feet of ethernet cable so I’m hardwired to the router. So much new tech in our house.

    Good news, so far: The federal DHS troops will begin leaving PDX beginning yesterday/Thursday. Last night there were no major disturbances at the protest, and there were no helicopters keeping me from sleep. Baby steps. I hope we can move forward from here, and continue to work towards justice and equity without resorting to violent protest.

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