The light is changing

fall light 2

This morning I woke up much earlier than I normally do.  I was supposed to meet a new family that I might occasionally babysit with but this morning I got up even before I though I would. My little dog had gotten up and been pacing, a sure sign she needs to go out right now…highly unusual. If it were up to Luna, she would be cuddling in bed all day.  But I read all the signs of needing to get out as soon as possible and pulled myself out of bed. I put on clothes and got the pups ready and walked out into the sunrise.

Lately I have been noticing a big shift in the light in the mornings when I walk the pups. The sun glow seems like a warmer, more orange, less bright light.  It is fall light. It is the promise of changing colors and changing crispness. It is the shift into the moment when leaves start to fall and the world starts to drift into hibernation. It is still hot days but it is cool lingering nights and a little less light than we have grown accustomed to.

This morning, I walked along the canal and watched the sun rise on us and decided to go for a much longer walk to just enjoy these moments.  Today is supposed to be one of our hottest days so I don’t want to forget this delightful morning.  As I type an hour or more later, I am sitting on our balcony relishing how I feel right now.

This week has been hard for me. I have been incredibly homesick.  I haven’t been this homesick since a few months after I moved.  What has brought on this incredible yearning?  I am missing my family and their moments of first days of preschool and the toddler room, their gathering together and the summer bbqs and laughter.  I have seen my group of friends celebrate birthdays together and go to concerts and this week it has hit me hard. I wouldn’t trade the moments we are making here and I know I will miss the summers in Berlin when we decide its time to move back so this morning was a good reminder to try to be present here and now.  Someday I will miss coffee on the balcony and long walks along the canal, hearing German all around me and trying my hardest to reply, and the way it feels to live in Europe and walk to the bakery down the street.

Last night I was coming home from an event at the Methodist Church in Kreuzberg, the neighborhood just next to ours. It was a play by three Irish guys about hospitality to refugees. It was good, better than I thought it would be.  I made connections to Methodist colleagues and they knew me when I walked in.  I was walking home from the bus when I heard my name and my friend Hannah was sitting at a table with a few gathered. She had been there when I left a few hours earlier so I stopped to tell her about it.  The others asked if I would join them and I said, “Sure!” Ana was out with a friend and I had no other place to be.  I sat with them for a good hour and a half and we got into some awesome discussion. And it felt good to be known and asked to join.

Step by step my worlds are integrating which is good and more complex for my heart.  The constant life of the one who moves and explores.

Just live in the now…step by step…moment by moment….

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