This weekend was full of ups and downs of Corona times. I let myself really get to dwelling in it. I gave myself space and grace in order to really get into the disappointment of some things in order to wake up this Monday morning ready to look for the opportunities and the story before me….
I didn’t get a job that I was really hoping for. Don’t get me wrong, on some level I really love watching these kiddos I work with but the longer I am here the more I am clear on the fact that I am a theologian and a pastor…not really a nanny although I love the kids, and the job interview I had and the job I didn’t get shows me that I am not a lit theorist although I am reassured that I was one of the most favorite candidates. The not getting of this job somehow felt like a blow. It felt like one of the things that sent me into not so great space especially after our flights to the Camino were cancelled (see previous post).
The weather has been strange and not at all summer like. I don’t know that I am complaining but I have to say I would take a bit more sun and warmth to remind me of summer days. Two years ago we were in Sicily and seeing the pics pop up only re iterates the cloudy nature of Berlin this summer.
BUT I got to go to church yesterday. It was in German AND Catholic AND everyone was masked and spaced apart AND I couldn’t take communion AND everyone was a bit on edge to gather BUT when I walked to the area where all were gathering, it felt right and good and missed. I went because one of my dearest friends here was reading prayer and was nervous about it. Her two year old felt right at home and danced all over the place but I was a touchstone for both and so I went and smiled and prayed. And it gave me some hope about what church can be again. I forgot how much it makes my heart happy to sing with church music (limited and with masks even) and how wonderful it is to see a group of church people.
And Ana and I, in earnest, starting really planning our alternate plans for our time away. It will still be in pilgrim form for most but it will be promising and away from the city and there is light breaking in for sure. We will need to really use our German and it won’t be as structured but we have a pilgrims passport and a guide and I think it will be beautiful.
Today is Monday, week whatever of Corona times and it shows promise to not be as dismal even with the news pouring in from all over about unmarked federal force doing wrong things in Portland and even with more cases and fears about the US and even with all that is going on….this is where the light has to break in, right?
How are you doing? How is it with your soul?