Fall Back

I woke up this morning and looked at my clock, much earlier than I anticipated. But here I am, wide awake. On a normal day I get up at like 7/7:30am and on an indulgent day I may surprise myself by waking up at 8/8:30am. This morning, while the dogs and my partner still fast asleep my eyelids were wide open at like 6:45am and that is after I forced them to stay shut to wake up slowly.

As clarity came back to me while looking at my phone wondering why I was awake, I realized…oh yeah, we gained an hour in the night. Next week this will happen in the states but for one whole week I am just 8 hours away from my family instead of 9. While my brain knew that we gained an hour, my body did not. I resisted getting out of bed for a bit but then I knew that I was up and wandered out, even though it was early. I was glad to see the sun rising early with me this morning although I dread what this means tonight for the sunset. I am not ready for the sun to go down before 5pm yet. I am not ready for the darkness of winter.

I got the dogs ready to go on their morning walk and we headed out to watch the sunrise along the canal. There were just a few people out this morning at 7:15ish. The few people I saw acknowledged each other as if to say, “you too?” And as I approached the bridge near our house at the canal I saw one person on the bridge just watching the sun and the water. The look on his face was so sacred, I watched for a minute before I felt as though I was intruding in his moment. He was taking stock, watching the sun and thinking deeply.

I reflected as we walked on on that particular moment, an evaluating of the moment, reflection on the sun and life and a falling back to see what is before us. I reflected on how very different my Sundays look right now compared to just a few years ago and how this is true of everyone during pandemic times, clergy and lay folk alike. I reflected that his extra hour is a gift in a weird way to step back and think about all that is before us. Yesterday, as every Saturday we try to, I got to talk to my nieces and nephews. As a bonus I ended up chatting with two of my brothers as well. Much of the time we just focus on the kids but both of my brothers that were holding the phone yesterday ended up chatting too. It is a gift to me when I get to talk with them as well in important ways. Both knew that my disappointment in my ticket is ginormous especially because it means I don’t get to see their kids in person. Both, in their own ways, helped me to refocus on what we can do rather than what we can’t right now. It was so helpful and comforting to talk with them. It was a gift in seeing what is before us and what we are grateful for while also still acknowledging the disappointment of what the virus is stealing from us.

Ana and I also went back to the trees yesterday while the weather held out. It is as if we have found the best kept secret nearby. In just a week the trees have changed colors and became so vibrant as they get ready to drop their leaves.

What a gift to see be able to wander through changing colors with the pups running along too. How are you reflecting on what is before you? How are you taking in all that is around you? How are you acknowledging the loss while taking stock of what to be grateful for?

From us to you…

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