Yesterday after much deliberation I still got on public transit to travel across the city to nanny little W. The decisions are getting harder and harder to make as the numbers rise and rise. I made this decision for a few reasons….

• even if the numbers have been going up the world hasn’t gone back into lockdown which means people still are going to work, including the family I nanny for
• I wasn’t travelling at rush hour, was well equipped with masks and needed to get out of the apartment this week and needed to feel useful
• we are all just waiting for the next steps. I have taken precaution this week in my choices as to where I go and who I hang with and this is part of that.
• I am tired of the constant decision making.

So I went and had a great time with this 1.5 year old who is learning about the world at a rapid rate. Our reunions are always sweet, each week, and we are playing more and more. He napped on my chest, we had reading time, we ran around and giggled a whole lot. We met up with his mom and check in. I gave him a bath and fed him meals and then I travelled home with my mask on and being cautious about my space.

Stress is high in the world right now. With the election around the corner in the US, it permeates daily life as well as constant checking of numbers.

Chancellor Merkel is meeting with country leaders today and word in the news is that she is proposing a “lockdown light” that would be a phased lockdown in all of Germany. Restrictions would amp up here and there until we could see a reduction in numbers. There is such a big part of me that just wants the country to go into lockdown again. It would take away the constant negotiations of what we should and shouldn’t do because they would turn into can’ts instead of constantly weighing all aspects. We would stay home and let the rest of the world rest and recover in a different way again. We would figure out next steps and make it safer to be in the world. Perhaps if we went into lockdown now, we could enjoy a bit of Christmas season at some point in the future.

But no one knows what is best and right and good and safe and better. We are all just taking our best guesses. In the meantime, today, I will take the dogs for walks, write blogs, and take care of a 2 year old around the corner later (no public transit needed) and see the world through her eyes for a few hours.

How are you holding up?