We are just one week away from waking up on Christmas morning. One huge part of me anticipates this morning with excitement. I have always loved Christmas morning and the feeling that the world is changing and turning, that light is returning, and people can be good. On the other hand, I am dreading waking up on Christmas morning in Berlin. I have never missed being with my family on Christmas morning. I am 39 years old and I have never not been with my parents and siblings on Christmas. This year I will wake up in our flat in Berlin, wishing to be there but also grateful to be healthy and safe.

In anticipation for Christmas our tree has gained more lights and a topper. A few friends have given me more ornaments because they know that we had few and they know my mixed emotions about being here. Our tree gets fuller and brighter. It is a comfort while we are in a hard lockdown all around us. Ana yesterday exclaimed, “I think this is the best tree I have ever had!” This made me smile that we can create home out of our disappointment. We have added decorations and talked about what we want from our holiday. We know that perhaps this is the only Christmas we will have just the two of us (four if you count the furry ones). In that way we can make the holiday one to remember this year. For example, we are going to have a day of tapas on Christmas we have decided because it needs to be totally different than what we would normally do this year.

Someday this will be a memory that we talk about. After today both Ana and I are on a break from our other things…me from school and Ana from work…so we plan to savor those two weeks. We plan on walking more, sleeping more and making these days festive. I plan on more Christmas movies and reading to reach my year goal of 50 books this year. I plan on eating more cookies and festive treats and trying not to lament too much, knowing that there will be moments of lament too.

How are you prepping for this week until Christmas?