Two weeks ago today I returned to Berlin after being in the US for two weeks. Anticipating that it would be some time for me to readjust to life here and that we would want some time to reconnect, for a Christmas gift, I surprised Ana by booking a little cabin just outside of Berlin in Brandenburg for a more quiet and natural surrounding. Originally I was scheming about suprising her with tickets to Lisbon for a long weekend. We even have a friend there who was helping me scheme but in December, before I left for the US, our friend messaged to say don’t buy the flights. She was anticipating borders closing by January.
While Portugal hasn’t closed borders, the numbers of Corona cases has shot up all over the place. I was watching as Portugal switched to dark red in risk along with Spain and while I was in the US it was like seeing a wave coming and hoping to get out before it gets crazy. I am amazed that I made it back safe and sound and without Corona from the US. The cases here too are getting out of control so we decided no travelling for a while BUT we could take a regional train just 30 minutes and spend the weekend isolated in a cute little cabin.
So I booked it while in the US and we planned for this weekend away. Our husky went with his favorite sitter in the world for the weekend and we ended up taking Luna with us since she is so little and easy to travel with. We packed food and wine and snuggled in for the weekend. We went on walks and sat by a fire. We had our own personal sauna for the weekend and talked and talked and talked and just spent time together. And at one point Ana said, “it is just so healing here.” This was right after we both agreed how quiet it was compared to our corner in the city and how lovely that was to not hear the bar downstairs and whatever else is happening around our place.
While I have to acknowledge that I have been having a really hard time returning, like I usually do, this has helped ease me back to my life here. It has been a rough return due to some visa troubles and covid waves that keep us to our place and limited but this weekend was a place to breathe and just be. This week promises to bring important appointments for us and steps forward in ways we are dreaming but at the same time I feel more ready for them after this weekend. Part of this immigrant life is constantly trying to reconcile these homesick feels and what it means to transition back. That in between space is hard for me to be patient through but I also know that that liminality holds sacred and holy space. I am learning to be gentle with myself and acknowledge the grief of missing my people and home and also knowing that this will pass and I will adjust again. I think perhaps there will be more cabin time in the future as well.
What are you doing to care for your soul?