Patience is not my virtue….

Sunday wiped me out. As I wrote on Monday, I was feeling like a recovery day and reminders that I am still in process. Then I went on this epic trek across the city to try to track down a jacket that I had ordered from the States. I had gotten a letter that said that it was in the customs office for me to come and pay for customs and pick up.

I had my letter, the invoice that stated I paid for these products and REI had paid for shipping that was sent with the letter, the paper for the customs office, my ID with picture and I headed across the city for 45 mins on bus and 10 more mins of walking on a beautiful fall day. I arrived at the office and waited dutifully in line.

I sidled up to the window, ready to speak German in ways I hadn’t before in dealing with customs and handed over my paperwork because Germany is extremely fond of actual papers. She asked me if I had ordered something. Yes, yes I did as you can see by that letter there. And then she asked for a printed receipt or invoice from when I purchased this item. I told her she had it. She told me that she needed more. I asked if I could show her proof of purchase on my phone and she responded, “No, I must have a printed copy.”

I’m sorry, what? A printed copy. She needed a printed copy of the receipt after I ordered. But I could show her here…but no, it would not work. Instead of losing it there, I had to leave. She dismissed me. She emphasized that she could not work with me yet and I would have to return. With more papers…in 2022.

I left. In disbelief but also not really. I decided to go for a walk to process and make due with being in a neighborhood I am not usually in. I found a lovely park. I walked. I stood waiting for my bus back. I rode the bus 45 minutes home.

I will try to return today. With more papers. A printed invoice on top of everything else. I will ride again, wait again, show my id again but this time with one more paper. Hopeful to pay for the thing I already paid for.

I came home to rest and realized I needed that rest. On top of a busy Sunday, Monday was turning into an ordeal as well. I was tired.

So Tuesday I hung out with a friend over coffee and pastry at one of our favorite places and she railed with me about all of this and then reminded me to take it easy. I sipped more coffee to prove my point that I was taking the morning easy and then to a chiropractic treatment. We sipped and talked and pondered and debated and I headed to the chiropractor to continue working on my scar and my body in recovery.

When I arrived, my chiropractor was running late so I got to read some and hang out, working on deep breathing as I waited. She met up with me and did all the things but beforehand she checked in. She asked me how I felt and how I was doing. I told her that I was pretty tired and I didn’t quite understand how I was still so tired at the end of the day.

She smiled at me and said, “But Courtney, you are still recovering. Your body is not quite there. You must rest when it tells you to. You must listen to it. ” I was disappointed I didn’t feel up to working out that morning. She smiled again, “It is ok to rest when you need to rest. You are still recovering. You have to remember this.”

She worked on me and at the end I said, “Ok, what is my homework for next week?”

She smiled at me for the third time and said, “rest when your body tells you to. Rest and recover. Be patient.”

Patience is not my virtue and yet over and over again in this process I have had to learn to listen to my body respond in recovery. It tells me very clearly when to rest and be patient and I have to listen to what it is telling me. I am learning and recovering and listening and some days are better for patience than others. It is a good reminder to me to know that recovery takes more time than I imagined and yet I am doing so well in recovery. I must listen and I must be patient. I remember just a few months ago when it was painful to just stand and I couldn’t roll over in bed…when pain was ever present and my scar was fresh. How is it so hard for me to forget on a day when my scar feels so tender that there are days like this?

Recovery continues to be a process. Thank God for voices of reminder, pastry and coffee. 🙂

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