It is 18 degrees F outside (-7 C). The wind is blowing which made our dog walk excruciatingly cold for two out of three of us. The husky seems to face upward in that kind of cold rather than my hunched and huddling in my layers as we walk and Luna’s walking as fast as possible to return home. A few minutes later and the snow started up again just as the snow from yesterday had completely disappeared leaving a few patches of ice behind. The flakes are getting bigger and bigger as the morning continues on. My tactic as been to light a few candles, grab my warm mug of coffee and get cozy with a book, my prayers, a few minutes of scrolling, a text here and there and some watching of the snow. It is gorgeous in the wind as it flights upward, downward and swirling, eventually landing on cars and windowsills alike.

I enjoy it much more from inside and secretly hope it will accumulate.

I know some of my Oregon friends are jealous of this sight but for us as we stare down beginning week 15 of strict lockdown tomorrow, it is something that gives us a moment of relief in seeing something different.

I am going to name it. I am insanely jealous right now of vaccinated beings and ability to get outside of one’s small surroundings. I hear my US friends talk about how hard all of this is for them and while I agree, that this time is hard for everyone, I have to hold my tongue about what they aren’t seeing. From this point of view, I know more and more people getting vaccines in the US because the US has been the highest bidder. I am thrilled for my people who are getting jabbed. I yearn for my family to be safe. More and more I hear about more and more of my people who are relieved from being vaccinated while at the same time the US has been close to the most irresponsible in all of this and probably has the most freedom of anywhere to do anything and go anywhere and not paying attention to the numbers or not caring while I know one person here….ONE person here…who has gotten one dose of vaccine. I know more and more people here. The story of waiting and not hearing anything remains. We wait. We read but we wait because there are no vaccines. There aren’t promises of vaccines to come, not really. There aren’t promises of when we might offer up our arms. Here I sit, admiring snow from our apartment because we can’t go anyplace else and I must constantly talk myself into patience.

I don’t say all of this to make you feel guilty, dear reader, but I do implore you to be more aware of the privilege at play. I ask you to educate yourself about why parts of the world have no access to even talking about vaccines. Please pay attention to even where the vaccines are distributed in the US and how this is starting to become a class and race issue too.

While I am so glad that you get to rent a cottage or cabin some place to take care of yourself and to rejuvenate please be mindful that no form of tourism or travel (even across the city) is allowed here right now. There is no chance to just rent an airbnb for a change of scenery or to create space. Not yet. It will come but not yet. While you lament just getting your first jab, please be aware that the US has positioned itself against everyone else by making this into a buy-all game. When you tell me that you were jealous of my travel before so its ok that you get to drive somewhere else now….well, please understand that this is a whole new level of lockdown because I am currently living in a country that takes not spreading this crazy pandemic very seriously. And I chose to be here and rearrange my life for love, travel and a change for a few years…that was my choice that anyone can make to be honest. Our numbers are not out of control but before they went haywire, we went into a long period of lockdown. Compared to anywhere in the US the numbers are miniscule but for us they became untenable. Again, dear reader, I want the best for us all and yet the jealousy and anger is real as well as the sadness of things lost and the hope for things to come. We will all get there and all shall be well…eventually.

In the meantime, I will watch the gorgeous snow as it coats the world. I will hibernate a bit more in this truly cold winter day. I will pray for what comes next and for the peace that comes with continued centering. I will attend zoom calls today and try to continuously connect. I will try to listen deeply and not get caught up in my own anxieties about what I read and hear. I will probably cook or bake something else today because that is comforting and easy to do from home. I will try not to get to anxious about not getting a jab or being able to go to my home of Oregon anytime soon. I will walk dogs and cuddle with them. I will assure my partner that we can do this.

Today is Sunday so I will attend church pretty soon over zoom and watch more sermons later as they appear. I will have our weekly family zoom call and then pray with another church that I work with in Portland, over zoom as well. Sunday has change completely in my world and I can’t wait to see what it will become in the future.

How are you doing with it all?